R1/2 -- Chris Collins (artc@mastnet.net)

	Okay, now!  THIS is TRULY the final chapter. (AUDIENCE: *applause*)

	(CHEF'S NOTE: It's about damn time!  If I have to endure that little bitch
much longer, I'm gonna vomit myself to death!) (AUDIENCE: Hahahahaha!)
(CUTE VOICE: Aiya!  Why you be so jealous of stupid, emotional girl?
*chuckle slyly* You afraid you not good enough for Ranma anymore?  Hehe.
You afraid, compare to Miko, that you look like something cat cough up?)
(AUDIENCE: Hahahahahaha!) (CUTE VOICE: You afraid that Miko more
seductive--that compare to her, you have ar-tic-u-lation of three-toed
sloth?) (AUDIENCE: Hahahahahahahaha!) (CUTE VOICE: You afraid that....)
(AUDIENCE: Hahahahaha!)

	(OLD VOICE: *lowering sign* Hey, Chris!  These applause signs are pretty
nifty!  They don't even require an actual audience!) (CUTE VOICE AND CHEF'S
NOTE: *evil stare of death*) (OLD VOICE: *sweat* What?!) (CUTE VOICE: No
make fun of Shampoo!  Go away or I kill!) (OLD VOICE: *sob* Why is everyone
so mean to me?)

	(CHEF'S NOTE: *growl* Okay, Shampoo... just WHY aren't YOU jealous?  Hmmm?
 Ranchan has undressed the slut, taken a bath with her, taken her out on
lunch dates, STARED AT HER BODY!, slept WRAPPED IN HER ARMS!!!!  And, last
chapter, he was even going to KISS her!  What has he done for YOU lately?!)
(CUTE VOICE: ....  Oh.) (AUDIENCE: *roaring applause*)

	(CUTE VOICE: *roar* She not take husband from Amazon warrior!  I give
Stupid Girl kiss of death, then I KILL!!!) (AUDIENCE: Hahahahahaha!)
!WHAPWHAPWHAP! (OLD VOICE: Look at all the beau... ti... ful.... !) !THUD!

	(CHEF'S NOTE: There's no need for that, Shampoo.) (CUTE VOICE: What you
mean?) (CHEF'S NOTE: This is a 'Very Tragic Story', so the little brat dies
in the end.) (CUTE VOICE: Hehehehe.) (CHEF'S NOTE: She is going to die,
right Chief?  ....  Chief?)  ....

              -----------===================------------
              |       An Iron Dagger Production        |
              -----------===================------------

	On a large rock in the middle of the remains of the palace he was once
employed, Lon sulked.  He sat hunched over, supporting his heavy,
downturned head with his left hand, elbow on knee, while he endlessly
picked up stones and crushed them to dust with his right.  His brow was
furrowed in aggitation as well as dispair.  He was having the worst day of
his life.

	He had no job, his clothes were gone, totally shredded, his mask was long
smashed and he had nothing else to cover his face, despite his amazing
endurance, he was scratched and beaten, and his hand still stung like hell
from countless tiny puncture wounds--although he refused to let the pain
inconvenience him.  And, as strong and menacing as he knew he was, he felt
pitiful.

	He sighed deeply as he remembered everything that idiot swordsman
(Reikiba) tried to tell him.  He was a freak--an oddity (NOTE: He's talkin
about himself.)--as well as a fool for listening to that... idiot.  He
picked up a handful of rocks and began tightening his grip as he would
around that idiot's head, but he paused when he heard someone walking up
behind him.  Without turning, he asked harshly, "What do you want?!"

	He heard the individual take a step back and stand nervously.  Then, a
sweet, feminine voice heralded, "Um... Master Lon,... Mistress Salon
request you do something."

	Lon dropped the rocks and groaned, "Go away.  I'm tired."  When, after a
while, he didn't hear retreating footsteps, he swiveled around and yelled,
"Didn't you hear me?!  I said go!"

	Before him stood one of the Emperor's (taller) harem girls, delicate and
beautiful, long, bluish hair floating in the breeze; she was cringing back,
as he expected.  She shrieked, "Your face!  What happened?!"  Lon winced as
he felt rage building up--she asked for it!

	But to his surprise, the girl stepped closer and compassionately cupped
his cheek, almost crying, "Poor thing.  Master Lon get beat up bad."  She
glided her hand from his face to his powerful shoulder to his bare chest,
which was slashed dozens of times as if by a large jungle cat, and repeated
distantly, "What happened?"  His stomach was in similar condition.

	When her eyes had wandered down even futher, she quickly retracted her
hand and gasped enthusiastically, "Oh my!"  She giggled and tried to hide
her deep smile.

	(CHEF'S NOTE AND CUTE VOICE: Ewwwww!) (OLD VOICE: That's one for the
genepool, eh Shampoo?  I never knew you had such STRONG blood in your
family.) (CHEF'S NOTE: Ew..ew..ew..ew..evil thought...must suppress...
ew..ew..ew....) (CUTE VOICE: *gag* Shampoo... throw up... now.... *run to
bathroom*)

              -----------===================------------
              |        Written and Directed by:        |
              |        Christopher Lee Collins         |
              -----------===================------------

	Liu-Sing lay in the shade of one of the few trees on the hill, resting
soundly on his back with one hand clasped behind his head and one hand
clutching the wooden phoenix statue sitting on his chest.  He had earlier
wiped away most of his mime-ish facepaint because the heat was making it
run--it was ruined anyway--and he had removed the shirt of his costume for
better ventilation.  He was going to have to be fully prepared when
(whoever) tried to take the statue from him as Lord Fang promised someone
would.  He understood what was at stake--the statue was more than just a
wooden icon--and he wasn't going to underestimate his opponent (who would
have to be very skilled or insane if he knew who he was dealing with).

	A fly buzzed around the tree and landed on his pants, but finding nothing
interesting, it took off and headed for his chest.  But before it could
land, Liu-Sing's hand darted like lightning, ensnared the pest, and slammed
it into the ground.  Without looking or raising his head, he wiped his hand
off in the grass, then rested it back on the statue.

	Over a dozen yards away, a harem girl peeked around the trunk of another,
less-shady tree and sighed dreamily--it was the first time she had ever
seen his bare chest... and he was so muscular (toned)!  The other girls
would be envious of her vantage point.  He was better-looking and better
built than Lord Fang!

	"Hn?"  She turned her head when she suddenly felt two cold shadows fall
across her back.  She cowered down against the tree when she saw the two
masked and robed guards staring at her with their arms crossed.

	Sitting in a fetal position, she clasped her hands before her and
whimpered pitiously.  But after a few seconds thought, she smiled up at
them, biting her lower lip, stretched out her legs, and submissively put
her arms behind her back.

	The two robed guards glanced at each other.

	(OLD VOICE: Hah!  Chalk up two more for the genepool!) (CHEF'S NOTE: *gag*
Geez.  You'd think they're havin' some sort of contest or somethin... to
see who can boink the empire first.) (OLD VOICE: Hahaha... it's a worthy
goal!) (CUTE VOICE: *footsteps* Okay... *cough* *sniff* Shampoo... back.
*dizzy* I miss anything?) (OLD VOICE: Not at all.)

              -----------===================------------
              |    Based on Characters Created by:     |
              |            Rumiko Takahashi            |
              -----------===================------------

	"*sigh* Them make cute pair, no?"

	"*sigh* I wish I was in his arms instead of her.  He looks so strong!"

	Where the hill started leveling off into grassland, two harem girls,
brunettes, lay side-by-side on their stomachs, arms folded in front of each
other, sunbathing nude as they watched, several yards away, Ranma and Miko
sleeping--Ranma was holding Miko from behind, resting his head on her
shoulders, his entire body nearly on top of her, leaving Miko pinned
snuggly underneath him, her face showing nothing but satisfaction.  Both
girls sighed in unison.

	The one on the left tilted her head to the other and stated playfully,
"Red haired girl mine."

	The other kept her gaze forward and smiled.  "*chuckle* Good, cause I want
th' strong one... and I'm takin im as soon as he wakes." (CHEF'S NOTE AND
CUTE VOICE: *gasp* .... *gulp*)

	"No."  Both girls looked back to a third girl who was dutiously massaging
their legs and thighs; she had long, purple hair tied into a ponytail, and
she was still wearing her (bikini).  She said sternly, not meeting their
questioning stares, "We no come between couple without permission.  Is
unsaid rule.  And they look like they want be alone."

	The first two girls sighed in ageement and laid their heads on the ground
facing each other.

	The one on the left reached over and wiped a bead of sweat from the
other's forehead, then said, "Sun feel good on back, but is starting get
too hot."  The other nodded in agreement.

	The purple-haired girl wiped her own brow and sat up; her skin was turning
alittle red with sunburn.  "Is too hot stay out here.  We find cute boy and
girl for Salon, so now we go do what WE want."  The first two girls looked
back, and the third smiled; she pulled off her top, which was half-soaked
in perspiration as it was, and jiggled her breasts, giggling, "We go find
someplace cool and I show you new use for bracelets.  Okay?"  She lept up
and pranced down the hillside back toward the jungle.

	 The two brunettes glanced back at Ranma and Miko; the redhead, now
waking, groaned as she sleepily rolled onto her back, pulling her companion
on top of her like a blanket; the boy unresistingly resituated himself and
rested his head on her chest, but remained asleep.  The two brunettes
sighed, then shrugged and darted after their companion.

	(OLD VOICE: Hmmm... that won't do much for the genepool, now will it?)
(CUTE VOICE: *gag*) (OLD VOICE: So, Shampoo... y'think that purple-haired
pretty is an ancestor of yours?) (CUTE VOICE: *bloated cheeks* *run to
bathroom*) (CHEF'S NOTE: *eeegh* I don't feel that good myself.)

              -----------===================------------
              |       Ranma Saotome and Miko Lee       |
              |                  in:                   |
              -----------===================------------

	Pae-Kau, still in wolf/boar form, sat somewhat impatiently as he watched
Salon, who was sitting nearby, quietly meditating in a lotus position, her
lips moving slowly in some form of chant.  She had promised to find him a
cure, and she said she had spies out searching for the things that he would
need; although he didn't really trust her, he wouldn't dismiss the
posibility that she WAS actually doing something that might help him.  So,
to satisfy his curiosity, he waited impatiently to see if her augury would
provide the information he needed.

	After a few, long minutes, the witchwoman smirked and, without opening her
eyes, said, "*chuckle* Perhaps I have underestimated those girls.  It seems
that one of them has already found a place for the others to live... and...
oooh....  So that pigtailed guardian really is a man!  It seems, Pae-Kau,
that you are not the only shapeshifter around here...."

	The wolf/boar/swordsman sneered and tried to appear uninterested--to
himself, because no one was looking--but he couldn't help but feel a
perverse pleasure in knowing that someone else knew what it felt like to
have his dignity and manhood taken away.  He didn't know what was
worse--turning into a beast or turning into a woman--although the latter
idea nearly made him laugh. (CHEF'S NOTE: Boooo!  Hisss!  Sexist... pig/dog!)

	Salon chuckled again, "And another has found the statue, and there's dear
Liu-Sing.  I'm... *gasp*"

	Her face contorted in utter disgust and she spat, "I knew those girls
couldn't keep their legs closed for long.  I wonder if anyone's found
Doshin's brat and her... BY THE GODS!"  She drew a sharp breath and stuck
her tongue out in even greater disgust; she leaned forward and rubbed her
hands over her face, chanting, "*gag* I didn't need to see that I didn't
need to see that I didn't need to see that get the image out of my
head...."  When she calmed down, she mumbled, trying to keep the bile from
rising in her throat, "But I am almost certain they have found the two....

	"Now, if the last one has found Lon, then I can... *major gag*"  The shock
snapped Salon out of her trance and she fell over sideways with her hands
clamped over her mouth.  Her chest heaved twice and her eyes snapped to
fill size as her hands clamped tighter over her mouth.  Her face turned a
deep green.  Quickly, she sprang to her feet and ducked behind a thick
clump of bushes.

	Pae-Kau flinched and retreated as he listened to her violently retching.

	(CHEF'S NOTE: Ick! *dizzy* I think I'll go join Shampoo in the bathroom.)

              -----------===================------------
              |             NYANNIICHUAN:              |
              |           Very Tragic Story            |
              |               Part VIII                |
              |        "Showdown at High Noon"         |
              -----------===================------------

	Down in the valley where the rice field rested, a shadow rose from the
ground on a patch of slightly damp earth by the edge of the field.  The
shadow--as if you hadn't expected it already--billowed like a sheet being
aired out to dry and became the midnight-robed man that you love to hate.
Since it was such a bright and sunny day, darkness clung protectively to
his face inside his cowl.

	A small patch of darkness appeared over his head; a crow flew out and
perched on his shoulder.  The dark man reached up and generously stroked
the bird's head with his boney fingers while he surveyed the surrounding
landscape.

	The area between the hills was wide and open grassland with scant few
trees or other obstacles that would interfere with the upcoming duel;
although the ground surrounding the rice field was damp enough to possibly
make walking and running difficult if not hazardous--but he didn't think
that he and the self-proclaimed emperor would be doing too much fighting on
the ground.  The field itself, which covered over a third of the valley,
was partially-flooded and took on the appearance of a marsh; reeds and tall
grass seemed to grow in amazingly-healthy clumps along its borders, as well
as a few random spots in the field itself.  In fact, most of the grass that
carpeted the valley seemed healthier than in surrounding areas, even
despite the openness to the sun's weathering rays.

	He stared at the rice field for a while, pondering the curious phenomenon,
then he reached down and pulled up several blades of tall, green grass that
were growing by his feet.  Lifting the darkness inside his cowl just enough
to see clearly, he inspected the vegetation and noted an unusual aura
radiating from them--strong for a plant but still too weak to be seen with
normal vision.  He held the grass up to his familiar and asked, "What do
you make of this?"

	The crow turned his head from side to side, puzzled by the strange FEEL of
the plants; it looked at its master and squawked questioningly, but the
dark man just smiled.  The crow shrugged, the ventured to bite off the tip
of one of the blades.  At first, it chewed slowly with a disgusted look on
his face, like a child being forced to take his medicine, but then its eyes
flew wide in wonderment and its dark feathers started glowing with an even
darker sheen.  It ruffled its feathers and twittered excitedly, then
greedily snatched a couple of whole blades to gobble down.

	The dark man held the remaining grass in front of his face and studied it
more closely.  "Hmmm....  It's that potent, is it?"  He slipped a blade
into his mouth and chewed, but he quickly spit it out when the energy
stored in its fibers spread sourly across his tongue.  Smacking his lips in
bitterness, he glanced at his familiar and commented, "It must be an
acquired tasted."  The crow, its cheeks bulging as he chewed, nodded
whole-heartedly.

	The dark man wiped his mouth, then dropped all the blades but one; he
carefully ripped it lengthwise as many times as he could, using magic when
his fingers proved too big, and held the remaining fiber in front of him
with both hands.  After sending a few pulses of chi energy through the
strand with no effect, he smiled and chuckled, "So this is the thread that
Miko uses.  Impressive.  No wonder she bested me."  The fiber had a high
resistance to chi energy--so chi attacks would be nearly ineffective
against it.

	When his mind ran across Miko's name, he felt her presence nearby.  He
glanced over his shoulder and zoomed in on her and her 'guardian' sleeping
atop the hill.  They looked so peaceful and happy together.  A pity they
couldn't stay like that.  But he didn't want to wake them just yet.  There
was still some time before the sun reached its apex in the sky--when he had
forseen Fang meeting him.  Until then, they should be together and dream
whatever dreams they can while they have time.

	The crow pouted because its master dropped the rest of his meal.  But...
before it dove to the ground to get more....  It hopped down the length or
his master's arm and plucked the empowered fiber from his hand and slurped
it down like a worm (or a noodle, depending on what you're diet consists of.)